


What We Remember

by excessnight



Series: Instructions: Read After Midnight [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mindfuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:02:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3492749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/excessnight/pseuds/excessnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean never blamed Sam. Never. Not once. So Sam never understood why John did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Remember

When Sam was six months old, his mother died. A four year old Dean loved him fiercely and protected him with every fiber of his body. Sam never remembered any of that. The next time he remembered Dean, he was four, and Dean wore a little suit and his eyes were closed. His Daddy said Dean wasn't going to wake up.

Sam didn't understand though. Because the next morning Dean was waking him up. Shaking him and smiling, telling his little brother he had to get a move on, that he was wasting daylight.

When Sam was eight, his Dad had basically drowned himself at the bottom of the bottle and he kept looking at Sam with a sad expression. He never talked to Dean and Sam always felt sad for his big brother. Twelve year old Dean didn't mind. He said that their Dad wasn't very proud of him and as long as Sam was happy, he couldn't care less.

It was amazing how mature Dean was. Sam loved that about him. So when Sam started whispering to him one day, his father snapped at him saying never to mention his name again. Sam never spoke Dean's name aloud in front of him again.

When Sam turned twelve his Dad started to treat him very differently. It was always orders, always violent words and disappointment written all over his face. Sixteen year old Dean rolled his eyes and yelled at their father, telling him to get his stick out his ass. John never listened.

When Sam turned sixteen he stopped calling John 'Dad'. Even in his head it was John. John blamed him for everything. Right down to the reason why he stumbled into their motel room every night drunk and why he went on most of his hunts alone. Why he tried to get himself killed. Dean had recently turned nineteen and told Sam nothing was his fault, that his baby brother did nothing wrong. It wasn't his fault their father was pathetic.

It was only when Sam turned eighteen that John finally ended his life. Dean told Sam it was bound to happen. He didn't even seem sad, just a bit upset that the man dragged Sam through the mud for so long. It was so unlike John that Sam actually cried when he found out. Bobby was the one to tell him. Said John couldn't live with the fact that his youngest had taken the life of his oldest but Sam didn't understand. Dean was alive, he was twenty-two and happy.

When Sam turned twenty-one, instead of taking him out for a drink, Dean showed Sam a knife. He didn't hand it to him or gift it to him, just showed him. There was a blood stain on it and then he remembered. That was the blade that had killed Dean. And when Dean lifted his shirt to show Sam, he was aware that he had accidentally stabbed him there all those years ago.


End file.
